Friday, October 27, 2006

bad ass chick

Foxy Brown (Pam Grier, not Inga). Wonder Woman. Catwoman. Cory Everson. Grace Jones. Charli Baltimore (Geena Davis, not powder face). Sheena. The Bride. Oren Ishii. Cleopatra.

The list goes on. But what all these women have something in common. They are all down ass, bad ass, take shizz from no man, ride or die chicks! If you call anyone of them a bitch, you're not wrong because every chick on this list (and similar chicks that aren't on it) is a Babe In Total Control of Herself. They have brought men down to their knees and made the realest thug (Total Hass, Utter Goon) nucca cry. Stand Up chicks that can hold their heads high wherever they go and get the respect they deserve.

Whatever the situation calls for, Lady, Freak, Gangsta, Mother, you name it, she got it on lock! Power to these already immensly powerful women. You have all done womenfolk everywhere proud. When men try to hold women down, all ya'll have to do is look up to these icons who have come before you and repped hard. Unleash your dragon, lose yourself and become a BAD ASS CHICK! Word is bond! Girl Power baby!

However, I am here to talk about the baddest chick! She is not on that list above. She's too gangsta for TV fo'sheezee! This chick is the top bird ever! Proof positive that you really can't hold a bad chick down. She has made it through the rain, literally, and survived the worst of the worst. She's so hard, I actually thought she was dead when I didn't see her for a minute but she was just laying low, doing her thing. I'm sure you're all wondering who this chick is and what she's done that makes her so hard. Well, I'ma tell ya.

She came into our lives (my family) approximately a year ago and when she arrived, I figured she was around for Christmas. I looked at her and honestly, fantasized what the yuletide would be like with her around. I smiled then didn't think much more about it. I just let her be.

Then, we got wind of the bird flu epidemic. It did cause a lot of worry because of all the implications but bad ass chick Shirley? She wasn't fazed at all. She just shrugged at the notion, brushed the dirt off her shoulder and kept on doing her daily grinding. I thought she was really confident and that's when I started paying more attention.

Then Christmas rolled around. Finally, I thought. But she was nowhere to be found. Not at the dinner table, not in the kitchen and not outside. That's odd, I thought. Instead, there was some other chick there but clearly not bad ass at all but we made do with her at the table. Ah well.

New Year rolled around and she showed up but still didn't come through. And the way she'd just carry on with her biz and not care about anything around her was amazing. I was like, man, this chick is straight gangsta! I know I ain't messing with her ever! That's on the rest of you to do what you like. This bird clearly doesn't give a kcuf and she ain't coming to table.

Then all these Cats kept stepping to her and at night too! And with their rough, ungentlemanly approach to her, I thought they'd tear her apart but she's still standing! She is too hard, yo! For real! And these Cats keep coming night after night but I often hear them leaving, cursing at the moon it seems. It is hilarious but she is so bad ass.

Then this dude shows up, all Cock Deisel and shizz, feeling like he's the man. He's a buff looking dude and all and thinks he's got this on lock. Ain't no thing but a chicken wing, he appears to be saying. I watch to see how this ends up. Cock D tries all kindsa game but Shirl ma girl ain't having it. So we had to dead that. Pronto!

So, my birthday comes and goes. Shirley's still ain't sit at table. This is Feb 06.

My grandma's birthday? Nope! May 06.

My cousin's friend who stays with us? Na ahn! June 06

My cousin's birthday? Yeah, right! June 06

My brother and I get back from England and we're all sat at table, does she show? Hell no! August 06

My Aunt from Abuja that EVERYBODY loves comes through on her birthday but this bird still doesn't show up! August 06

And all the while, Cats have still been coming through, everynight too but chick won't budge. I actually saw one of them last night which is why I just had to blog about the ultimate bird.

So, for surviving bird flu, Christmas, New Year, 5 birthdays and a slew of cat attacks, I officially crown you, Shirley, the:

BADDEST CHICK OF THEM ALL














Christmas 2006 is just around the corner. Let's see how Ol' Girl Shirl deals with that one.

Later people. Blog Marley out! Period!

6 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

ha ha.. NOT.
that was not even funny.

4:26 PM  
Blogger Calabar Gal said...

LOL. Christmas and New Year is around the Corner. Shirley will certainly show up by then.

12:11 PM  
Blogger Mona said...

lolll

11:29 PM  
Blogger Don Chi as Blog Marley a.k.a. El Senor Supremo said...

@anonymous:
ah well. i know i can't please everybody. thanx for skimming thru regardless tho.

@anonymous:
thanx but did u really read the blog?

@calabar gal:
and she done dey fat well well oh!

@mona:
i know, right?

9:43 AM  
Anonymous adaure said...

ha ha ha ... that was cute

4:01 PM  
Anonymous Luminus said...

Lol... Don Chi, you're just the illest. Had me reading on with rapt attention only to figure out that the bird is actually a *bird*?

What Revelation...

She's a real bad ass though, having stood for that long. Are you sure you're gonna be able to kill the damn thing, it must feel like a pet of sorts.

Oh! and in case you didn't notice, the second comment on this post asking you to Make Extra Cash is a classic example of Spam.

Where your delete button at homie?

4:53 PM  

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